Did you find everything ok?

We’ve all been asked it, probably more times than we can count, that innocent sounding but oh-so complex phrase, “Did you find everything ok?” 

But it hit me particularly hard, and not because I am some overly sensitive shopper attuned to every slight.  You see, I spent 10 years abroad and have, like Rip Van Winkle, a big gap in my cultural knowledge (thank god for Netflix).  Cultural changes that undoubtedly seemed gradual to permanent residents were to me more sudden  (Where did all those Subway restaurants come from?; What the hell is a hipster?).  When I left back in 2001, I had never been asked that fateful question but when I returned in 2012 it was suddenly everywhere and I was left bumbling at the checkout counter like a cultural idiot, unsure how to respond.

Since then, I’ve heard it in New York, and heard it in LA and heard it (all the time) right here in the Midwest where people at least try to be friendly.  Judging from this post, it is even asked in England.  Yes, there are some variations, mainly grammatical, from the proper “Did you …. you were looking for?” to “Did you … alright/ok?” But the basic approach seems pretty much the same from coast to coast (and beyond).

So I decided to do a little research, delve into the history of the phrase, figure out where it came from, why it is asked, how it became so ubiquitous. 

I knew I couldn’t be the first to address the issue online, as a Google search quickly confirmed.  But most of the posts grumble about the inanity of the question or ask what happens if you respond with anything other than a yes.  (I’ll get to that in a minute.)  There was little to nothing on how the phrase came to be, who invented it (can Wal-Mart take the credit?  Target?), why it became so ubiquitous.  It seems no one really knows; the phrase was nowhere and then suddenly it was everywhere.

Luckily, there were a few posts on why it is asked, such as this one which theorizes that it is a marketing statement “meant to project a customer-first attitude amongst a store’s employees” but is really just a “façade of customer-first thinking” designed to project interest and understanding without actually eliciting a response. 

The problem is that the question is asked too late, at an inconvenient time (in a line full of harried customers anxious to leave the store), by someone who doesn’t care and who lacks training or resources to address an honest response.  The result is that the asker appears disingenuous and the customer is left fumbling for a response to what is, for all practical purposes, a rhetorical question.

That begs the question – how best to respond? Advice abounds on the internet: people who always say no, those who go off on existential rants upon hearing the phrase and even those who feel the urge to murder the sales associate.  

My default response is a grunted Yep or a more polite Yes, thank you (depending on my mood).   But when I heard it yesterday at a Target checkout after having searched in vain for a SodaStream CO2 refill (followed by a vain search for a sales associate on the floor) I glanced apologetically behind me at the long line that had formed and decided to try something different. 

I looked at the associate, smiled, and said, “No, I didn’t,” and described what I was looking for.  She looked nonplussed as I imagined the various possible responses swirling through her brain – based on her facial expression, my guess is that what she wanted to say was screw you, I have no idea where that is and have no intention of doing anything about it.   But, to the chagrin of the customers behind me, she pasted a strained smile on her face, picked up the phone, and had a colleague bring it to the register.